Terminally Ill Children
Younger children tend to have a very clear notion of causation, and commonly believe that since no-one else is to blame for their illness, they somehow are responsible for bad things happening to them. They may not openly say this, but it’s likely that these thoughts will be deeply troubling them. Questions like: ‘Why am I ill?’ or ‘What’s happening to me?’ can be coded messages from children, inviting reassurance rather than a straightforward explanation of what’s happening to their bodies. One way of gently opening up these thoughts, and resolving these fears, is to turn questions like these on their head and ask your child why they think they’re ill or what could be happening to them. Thus they have the opportunity to express what is really worrying them.
This doesn’t mean, of course, that children don’t worry about what’s happening to their bodies. They do. In cases where there are multiple treatments, constant side-effects, and occasional relapses and failures, it can feel to the child that their body no longer belongs to them, but somehow is the property of the doctors and nurses. Very young children can become extremely upset when medical staff have to take blood samples, not understanding that their bodies can replace any blood that’s taken from them.
Furthermore, children also may be aware that they will die.
They will be anxious about this even though they might not openly say so.
All of these constitute delicate subjects that should be treated according to your child’s age and understanding, and in a spirit of honesty, reassurance and supportiveness. Children aren’t incapable of understanding what’s happening, and, like an adult, can feel very alone and fearful. They need to be listened to, by you and by professionals, and be given guidance on how to face their illness, and to live optimistically despite it.
