Friends and Family Grief
Of course, not all of the difficulties of terminal illness relate solely to the patient. Friends and family are also affected. If you have been aware of the nature of your loved one’s illness, you will have been anticipating their death. It’s only natural, but it makes an already distressing ordeal all the more demanding. This is because in anticipating the death it’s likely that you will have been feeling guilty at thinking about the practical issues of how you will live your life after they are dead even while they are still alive. It seems as though you’re being disloyal in letting go before you’re supposed to.
But, again, this is to be expected. There is an inevitable conflict between looking after someone who is dying, and the need to reorder your life. It’s a pre-death reshuffling of roles that happens when people recognize that someone they love is dying that is similar to post-death grief. However, the two processes shouldn’t be confused, in the sense that in anticipating what happens after the death you will somehow subsequently grieve less. There isn’t a fixed amount of grieving that takes place when someone dies. You’ll just grieve differently, that’s all.
